I wanted to do something. I wanted to show up somewhere, anywhere, to support and listen and love.
I wanted to be in my community… at the prayer vigils held for those who lost their lives in the recent shootings, at the demonstrations to stand with those who have been silenced and marginalized for too long, at the police station with a box of cookies and a hug for the officers grieving and fearful, at the playground or pool with my children meeting new playmates, and at the local coffee shop laughing and crying and sharing life with my friends.
But I haven’t shown up to any of those places. I’ve been in bed.
Three weeks ago I had a big surgery that’s made it impossible for me to do any of the things I want to do in the midst of the our nation’s division and pain and turmoil. It’s been hard to feel benched when I want so badly to do something, anything, to bring a little more light and love into a hurting world.
And then I looked at the little faces who have been so loving and gentle with me in my recovery. I looked into the eyes of the next generation, the ones who make me both terrified and hopeful for the future. I am afraid for what tomorrow might look like for them and I selfishly want to shelter them for all time. But then I look again and see the joy and light and grace they bring to life. I see that they hold in them the power to change tomorrow. And I know it’s my duty, my honor, to prepare them for that task.
So I’m showing up at home the best way I can right now. I’m snuggling on the couch and watching Zootopia for the third time this week. I’m so grateful for the writers and creators who found a beautiful and effective way to illustrate some of the issues our country is facing for our kids. I’m going to use the movie to talk about love and peace and harmony with my children. And how we all have a deeper story than what is seen from the outside… how fear solves nothing and love changes everything.
I’m turning up the newest song we downloaded from iTunes. I’m soaking in the sunshine flooding through our house as my kids dance and twirl to “Love Make The World Go Round” and absorb the lyrics that tell us hearts without any hate cause a chain reaction throughout the world.
I’m lingering a little longer over bed time stories and asking more questions at the dinner today.
This is what I’m letting into my home and my children’s hearts today. This is how I’m showing up today.